The Ultimate Guide to Sex Toys
Sex toys are a major aspect of many people’s sexuality, either on their own or with partners. Whether it’s a large collection of everything from anal beads to fucking machines or a single cheap bullet vibrator hidden in your nightstand, mostly everyone who is exploring their sexuality uses (or has curiosity about using) sex toys at some point. While sex toys are not for everyone, most sexual people love the added fun of bringing a toy into their sex life—or even keeping toys for solo use. Whatever you’re looking for, hopefully this post will serve as a guide to choosing, using, and maintaining the sex toy(s) right for you!
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Vibrators are mostly used with people who have vulvas, though some people enjoy the vibrating sensations on their penis or testicles. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes and can be used internally, externally, or both at the same time. Every vibrator has some kind of motor that is powered by standard batteries, a rechargeable battery, or an outlet.
For materials, I recommend silicone and hard plastic. These are non-porous options that will make cleaning much easier. Simply wash with antibacterial soap and warm water, making sure not to get any water inside the toy, as that can damage the motor. Toy sprays and wipes can also be used for quick clean-ups, but I recommend condoms if you’re going to be sharing these between partners, just to make things easier.
Internal vibrators penetrate the vagina. Some have a curved head that can be used to simulate the g-spot. They can have any kind of texture or vibrating patterns you can imagine. Usually, a vibrator is a typical choice for someone with a vagina’s first sex toy purchase.
- Beginners: Often first-time vibrators are cheap. They are usually made of plastic of PU-coated plastic. This type of material is relatively safe, but shouldn’t be shared, as it cannot be completely sterilized. When looking for a first-time vibrator keep size, material, texture and functions in mind. I suggest something traditional and smooth such as this, this, or this.
G-Spot: G-spot vibrators are more advanced and have a curved head to access the zone at the front base of the pelvis that is referred to as “The G-Spot”. This can cause more intense orgasms and/or squirting. I suggest trying toys like this, this, or this.
The Very Best: The best of the vibrator-world is going to be more expensive, but you also get safer materials, more functions, and better features. If you can afford to save up some money, I highly suggest you go for the gold. Some of my favourites are this, this, and this. Tantus also sells high quality vibrating dildos such as Duke, Echo, and Goddess.
Options to Look For:
External vibrators can be used to stimulate the vuvla, specifically the clit, as well as the penis or testicles. External vibes usually come in two forms: the bullet and the wand.
Bullets are small vibrators that usually have a rounded or pointed head to use precision around the clitoris. Wands, on the other hand, are usually much larger and more powerful.
For materials, plastic and silicone works best, but you’ll find that some models, such as the Hitachi, have a more porous head to them. This means condoms are required if you’re going to be sharing between partners. For cleaning, sprays and wipes work best, here, because it’s easy to accidentally damage the motor by letting water drip inside. Wiping it down with a cloth dipped in warm, soapy water also works fine if you’re not sharing these toys.
- Beginners: I suggest bullets to beginners because a) they’re cheaper and b) they aren’t as intense as wands, which can sometimes overstimulate people who are new to heavy vibrations on sensitive areas. Some cheap options are things like this, this, or this. If you’re looking for higher quality bullets, try Tantus’s silicone series like this, this, or this.
The Very Best: Wands are really useful toys for people who like high-intensity vibration—also know as “power queens”. They can be charged and used wirelessly or have plugs that go directly into the outlet while you use them. The most popular toy of all time, in my opinion is the Hitachi, which I have a comically-intense review of here. Some other awesome options are the Mood Fantastic and the Fairy Wand.
Options to Look For:
- Rechargeable VS Corded.
Rabbits are a fun combination of internal and external vibrations. They typicall have an internal vibrator with an external attachment to stimulate the clitoris. They’re called “rabbits” because these attachments are typically shaped like a rabbit’s head, with the ears used to tease the clit. It’s important to note that no animals are harmed in the proper use of these toys.
While rabbits are pretty awesome in theory, their downfall is usually the poor material they are made of. Most rabbits are made of jelly, TPE, TPR, or PVC, which are all porous materials. While you can use these with condoms, I recommend saving up just a little bit more for the silicone options, because they are much safer and better in quality. Cleaning is also much easier with silicone and there’s no condom required for solo-use. Simply wash with antibacterial soap and warm water, making sure no water gets inside the motor. Toy sprays and wipes are also good options. Don’t forget to wipe down the rabbit, too!
- Beginners: Even beginners should avoid the materials listed above. Silicone is really the best way to go, and it’s worth the extra money to avoid those potential infections. Try silicone models like this, this, this, or this.
- The Very Best: The best rabbits are usually rechargeable and have more options than some other rabbits. Some even rotate or thrust! Check out this and this—and of course, my personal favourite, the Vanity line by Jopen.
Options to Look For:
Dildos are toys for penetration that don’t vibrate—though some have a spot to insert bullet vibrators in order to get that effect. They are usually phallic-shaped but are in no way restricted to only looking like penises. They come in tons of shapes and sizes, so your options are truly limitless. There’s a company called Bad Dragon that even creates dildos to look like dragon penises!
For dildos, I recommend using only silicone, glass, or steel. Like vibrators, lots of dildos are made out of materials that are not body-safe. Silicone, glass, and steel are your best options for finding a dildo that works well and is also safe for you to insert into your body.
Size is also something to look at when purchasing a dildo. While most vibrators have standard sizes, there is a lot of range with dildos. 1”-1.5” in diameter is the range for most people starting out, though more advanced users can fall within the 1.5”-2” diameter range. People who enjoy toys less than 1” or over 2” in diameter are going to have a much harder time finding toys that work for them.
Keep in mind that the dildos I am discussing and linking to in this section are for vaginas. Not all of them will be suitable for anal play, so be sure to check the anal section below here for more on that!
Silicone is known for its velvety-smooth texture. Not only is it one of the safest materials, it’s also one with a lot of diversity. Silicone dildos can be super soft or extra firm—or even squishy enough to feel an actual penis without losing that “hardness” required for comfortable penetration.
- Beginners: Many of the dildos I recommend for beginners are more firm in texture. They’re still super smooth, but the firmness is better for people who are just starting out with penetrative toys. I suggest products like this, this, or this for more standard, traditional dildos. Or if you want one that has an optional insertable bullet for some vibrations, try this.
- The Very Best: My absolutely favourite thing to recommend to people aside from the Hitachi (mentioned above, in external vibrators) is VixSkin. Vixskin is a company that makes amazing toys out of super high-quality silicone that feels absolutely fantastic. I recommend this most to people who like a “life-like” experience of a real penis, or those who just don’t like their dildos too firm. VixSkin is on the softer side, but works perfectly well during penetration. Going up in size, I recommend Mustang (1.25” diameter), Goodfella (1.5” diameter), and Maverick (2” diameter). In addition, the O2 line by Tantus is amazing. Adam is highly recommended, as is their Flurry O2 (1.5” diameter) and Cush O2 (1.75” diameter).
Glass dildos are so unique! Not only are they absolutely gorgeous, they’re also really diverse in texture. Some are completely smooth and others have all kinds of crazy surface textures to drive you wild.
Glass is a super safe material that is easily to clean and can even be used for temperature play. Simply run under warm water or stick it in the freezer for an even more exciting session.
Glass can be completely sterilized, too, so sharing isn’t a problem. Simply soak them in a 10% bleach solution, boil for five minutes, or stick them in the top rack of a dishwasher for total sterilization. You can also clean them by hand with soap and water, toy wipes, or toy sprays if you’re not sharing them.
Keep in mind that glass is a hard material and may not be suitable for people who like soft toys. Be careful when thrusting with glass toys, as you can bruise your cervix if you go too hard.
- Beginners: For beginners, I recommend some smooth toys. However, if you want to jump into trying out some textures, go for it! Some good options for beginners looking to get feel for the material without too much texture are things like this, this, or this.
- The Very Best: What’s going to be the best depends on what kind of texture you like, if any. Some common options with glass are things like bubbles, spiralsbumps, and twists.
Steel is a more advanced material and usually much more expensive. However, it has all the features of glass (from the easy cleaning and sterilization to the ability to use it for temperature play) and some added weight. They also come in larger sizes than glass typically comes in.
- Beginners: For beginners, I would suggest they try glass before investing in the more expensive steel options. Also, start smaller and work up to larger toy. Try this probe or the Fun Wand for your introduction to steel.
- The Very Best: A really good toy for more advanced users is the Pure Wand. It’s great for g-spot action! Also, for those looking for a larger toy, the Eleven goes up to 2” in diameter.
Anal play is a great thing to try if you haven’t already. Because everyone has a butt, almost everyone can safely play with anal toys.
Some things to keep in mind are materials and size. Be sure the toy you use is body-safe and able to be sanitized. Also keep in mind that the anus is relatively small, though it does stretch. However, stretch may take some practice and working up to, so don’t jump into large toys without starting off small.
Plugs are often people’s first anal toy. They come in lots of different shapes, sizes, and materials. Plugs are usually no more than three or four inches long, and have a large, wide base to them.
Because they are smaller than dildos, plugs can be worn for extended periods of time and can even be worn under clothing in public or around the house.
Material-wise, I again suggest only silicone, glass, or steel because these are the safest materials available. Silicone is especially good for beginners because it is lighter and more comfortable than glass or steel.
- Beginners: Beginnerplugs are for people who have never experienced anal play and would like to start small. Some great options are this, this, and this. Or try the Beginner’s Kit. If you’re feeling adventurous or have a little experience, try the small Pure Plug.
- Intermediate: Intermediates include people who have had small plugs and/or engage in anal play or anal sex with their partners. Try something like this, this, this, or this. The medium Pure Plug is also a fantastic option.
- Advanced: Advanced plugs are for people who have experience with plugs and anal play and are looking for bigger options. Try the large Pure Plug if you like steel and heavier plugs. If you want to stick with silicone, go for something like this or this. You can also look into vibrating options like this one.
Anal beads are a very simple toy. They’re long toys with bubble or bead-like textures that go further into the body than plugs, and are pulled out with a cord or handle on the end. Play safe and pull gently, though! Ripping the cord would be very bad.
Silicone is the only material I would suggest for these beads. Absolutely no jelly or other porous materials! Some awesome options are products like this, this, this, or this. All of those products are motor-less, waterproof, body-safe options to play with.
Anal dildos differ from vaginal dildos in the sense that they have a flange. A flange is a wide base that keeps the toy from going too far inside your body. Lots of people use vibrators or dildos that have no base and end up in the emergency room to get toys removed, which isn’t really fun for anyone involved. So, be sure to use a dildo that specifically has a wide base if you’re going to use it anally.
Furthermore, dildos with a base can absolutely be used for vaginal play. However, if you’re going to switch from anal to vaginal use on a toy you need to sanitize it or use a condom. Vaginas will get infected very easily if you go from anal to vaginal use with the same toy so be sure to clean and keep safe!
Like vaginal dildos, I only recommend silicone, glass, or steel toys for safety reasons. These are the only materials you can sanitize, which is a feature you want—especially in anal toys.
- Beginners: Start small and work up! Something like Your Highness is an excellent starter toy for anal. Then you can work up to more traditional dildos like this or anal toys like this.
- The Very Best: The “best” toy in this sense is just something of a higher quality silicone. These types of toys feel much better, especially anally. Things like this or this are great options due to the large bases on them.
P-spot stimulators are anal toys that stimulate the prostate. People who have prostates may come to find that stimulating that area can result in very powerful orgasms. These toys are specifically designed to access that area.
- Beginners: BMS Enterprises has a line called “LUX” that includes some awesome prostate massagers. For beginners, I recommend the LX-1 or LX-2 models. Also check out Tantus’s Prostate Health Vibrator.
Masturbators are sex toys for people with penises. They come in all different styles and textures to help achieve orgasm easier. Silicone masturbators are rare to come across so the next material you should look for is thermoplastic rubber (TPR/TPE). While this material isn’t able to steralize, it is safe enough to use with proper cleaning (soap and warm water) and not sharing the toy.
Masturbation sleeves are the most common toy for people with penises. They have various textures in a soft material and work by controlling pressure, usually by squeezing an outer tube.
Some options include basic models like this or this. Tantus has a high-quality silicone Stroker and an XL version. Fleshlight also creates toys that are modeled after porn stars such as Jenna Haze, Teagan Presley, and Jesse Jane.
Realistic models are also available, but usually cost a lot more. These usually take the shape of an actual torso and offer a more realistic feel for some people. They are like smaller, more realistic “fuckdolls”. Popular models include this, this, and this.
Strap-ons are mainly used for penetrative sex with two people who have vaginas, but can also be used for double-penetration with a penis, or with someone in chastity.
The most common use of a strap-on is with a harness that attaches around the waist and has a base in front of the pelvis for a dildo. Most work with o-rings of varying sizes to adjust for dildo girths but some work with something called “vac-u-lock.”
- Harnesses with o-rings require a dildo with a flange (flared base) to work properly.
- Some standard harnesses include models like this, this, or this.
- You can also find harnesses in plus sizes.
- There are also specific types of harness for other areas of the body like feet and thighs.
Another option for strap-on sex is a strapless strapon. Instead of having a harness, these types of toys have one end that goes inside the vagina that balances another dildo on the outside for penetration. Feeldoe is a popular brand for this type of strap-on, but models like this, this, and this also work quite well.
I hope this post provides some guidance on your next sex toy purchase. If you have any additional questions, feel free to message me. A guide covering-kink toys will be coming in the future, so stay tuned for that if you’re looking for information on toys used for BDSM.
Newly updated with even more toys recommendations!
THERES A TRANS PORN SITE MADE BY TRANS PEOPLE WHO CHOOSE TO HAVE SEX IN ANY WAY THEY CHOOSE IVE WATCHED IT TO FEEL NORMAL AND IT HELPED ITS NOT FETISHIZING TO BE TRANS BUT NOT HATE YOUR GENETALIA
Red Flags in BDSM
In order to maintain a healthy relationship, especially within the BDSM community, we need to be aware of signs of unhealthy behaviour. Of course, these red flag can appear in any kind of relationship—but it’s extra important when you’re in a relationship with a power-dynamic or a heightened risk of injury. Submissives, especially, often find themselves in unhealthy dynamics with no idea how to spot the problems. Dominants, too, are able to experience this. For this reason, I’ve developed an outline of some of the most common red flags I hear from followers and some resources to help you deal with them. (Images are products of the Red Flag Campaign).
The following are common things a partner might be doing if you’re in an unhealthy relationship:
Insists you do not need a safeword.
While some people prefer to play without a safeword, I will always speak against this practice. Safewords are crucial to a healthy D/s because without them, there is no way to revoke consent and that means you or your partner may not want to continue, but has no way of communicating this.
If your partner insists that you not use a safeword, you need to be firm in saying that will not be the case. I would take extreme caution with playing with someone who has suggested this, as it shows a lack of responsibility for you or your partner’s safety and mental health. Safewords should always be required of everyone in order to play safely. If you don’t want to use them, don’t use them—but always have them in place.
Claims to have no hard or soft limits.
This one is more common with submissives, but Dominants do it, as well. Claiming one has no limits shows a) a lack of experience and/or b) dishonesty. Though some people have more limits than others, everyone has limits. If your partner is insisting they have no limits, ask about something you consider extreme and see if they would agree to it. Communicate the importance of having limits so that everyone is aware of boundaries. No one should go into a scene blind of where the boundaries are.
Pressures you into playing in ways that violate your personal limits.
If you have established limits and your partner wants you to push them, there are two ways to go about this.
1) You express a desire to want to get past a certain limit and your partner discusses ways they can help you with this in a safe and controlled manner as to help you explore your sexuality.
2) Your partner hounds you to do something outside your limits and you feel really uncomfortable about this.
If your situation sounds like #2, you need to either have a strict conversation with your partner about limits or you need to leave the relationship.
A healthy dynamic does not involve true force of any kind. Remember that everything within a D/s is consensual and if your partner is pushing you to do something you don’t consent to, this is unhealthy. Technically, it is abuse or sexual assault. Don’t tolerate this behaviour, and seek help if you need it.
Plays when they are angry or upset.
This is another sign of an abusive relationship. A good partner will not play when they are angry or upset. This can lead to safety concerns, emotional problems, and abuse.
Dominants who are angry and wish to punish their submissives need to take time to think about an appropriate punishment instead of lashing out. Physical violence is never a way to solve underlying problems. The submissive should know why they are being punished, agree that it is fair, and feel forgiven after the punishment.
Submissives who play when they are upset are often covering up mental health problems. While healthy people can play after a bad day and feel much better—unhealthy folks will play to “hurt themselves,” so to speak, and will still feel badly after a scene. If this is the case, the submissive should seek counseling to work out their mental health problems instead of using D/s as a means to self-harm. Playing the sadist to an unstable masochist can end very, very badly. It is dangerous and shouldn’t ever be considered. Put your partner’s mental health above play at all times.
Insists that you address them as a specific title (Sir, Master, slut, fuck-toy) upon first meeting them.
This is a problem a lot of people face with potential partners. Fact of the matter is, you are no one’s slut or Master until you have formed a relationship of some kind with that person and you both agree to these titles. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to address them in a way you don’t like or be addressed in a disrespectful manner.
Does not provide aftercare.
Aftercare is absolutely crucial to a healthy D/s relationship, especially ones involving sadism and masochism. In fact, aftercare is often a defining difference between kink and abuse. Aftercare should be done automatically. If you are in need of aftercare and your partner doesn’t realize it—speak up! Both Dominants and submissive who need aftercare are entitled to it after a scene.
If your partner ignores your needs and does not provide aftercare, you need to leave the relationship. This is an abuse of power and shows a lack of responsibility. You should never leave a scene feeling badly. Aftercare is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. A guide to aftercare can be found here.
Does not respect your safeword.
Safewords, again, are required. If your partner ignores or refuses to respect your safeword, this is assault. The scene needs to end with your safeword, always. Anything past that is no different than continuing after a “no” for relationships without a specific safeword. This is a revoke of consent and anything further without explicit consent is assault.
Never, ever play with someone who doesn’t respect your needs to stop or pause the scene. This is dangerous and highly abusive.
Insists you stop using birth control or barriers during sex.
Some people like birth control restriction with their partner, and that’s fine for stable relationships with intent to care for any child resulting from that pregnancy. However, if you are not intending on getting pregnant and your partner insists you stop using birth control, this is a major red flag. This is abusive and highly dangerous.
Same goes for couples who cannot get pregnant and use barriers like condoms to prevent the spread of STDs. Never be forced into not using these methods. If one person in a relationship wants to use them, they will be used. No further questions.
Initiates play when you or your partner is intoxicated.
Couples can and will make their own decisions on this, and I am not here to tell you anything but the facts. Playing with an intoxicated person is assault. Even if you’re in a committed relationship. A person who is drunk or high cannot consent to sex legally in the US and you or your partner may end up with rape charges, even if the person says “yes.” Contracts and consent prior to intoxication do not hold up in court, either.
To be safe, always wait to play until the person is sober. For your safety and theirs, do not play with an intoxicated person.
Makes you feel guilty for using your safeword.
Never, ever feel guilty for needed to stop. It doesn’t matter if you need to stop because you were triggered or because your leg cramped—never let your partner tell you it’s not okay.
Any partner that makes you feel badly for safewording is a horrible person and doesn’t deserve your trust. It’s emotionally abusive to make someone feel bad for needing to stop play/sex. Don’t tolerate it—you have every right to decide if you need to stop.
Refuses to have conversations about consent/limits/desires.
Communication is so important. If your partner can’t communicate important things like limits, safewords, consent, or their desires, it’s going to be tricky. This is a red flag because it can lead to problems down the road. Relationships are difficult without proper communication—there simply isn’t a way around it. Insist on communicating these important topics or find a new partner who will.
Does not treat you as an equal or disrespects you out of scenes.
Unless you’ve discussed and agreed upon a 24/7 relationship, the scene ends with a safeword or natural progression. This means humiliation and painful physical contact stops there. Submissives who find themselves being put down by their partners out of scenes or at inappropriate times need to evaluate their relationship. Your self-worth will never depend on your partner and no one deserves to be with someone who makes them feel badly without their consent.
If any of the previous red flags apply to you or someone you love, please urge them to seek help. The following resources can be used in cases of sexual or physical violence:
National Sexual Assault Hotline (US): 1.800.656.HOPE
Domestic Violence Hotline (US): 1-800-799-SAFE
Rape Crisis Network (UK): 44 (0)141 331 4180
Wearing a sundress all summer so I can be ready to lift it up and sit on your face at any given point.
I posted 3rd photo down on FB and they had a fit and banned me for 3 days.
Thank you Tumblr.
Model: Model: Liana Magliocco
Photo: Miss Missy Photography
Woah sorry for this one being kinda, “chest-oriented”, however the colors of this shoot were awesome. Can’t wait to see the rest of the shoot tonight! #me #modeling #previews